Dear ubiquitous roadside franchised eating establishments of the United States,
Could you please provide touring bands with food that won’t cause their stomachs to do cartwheels?
How about some coffee brewed sometime in the last decade?
Some salad made from actual vegetables that isn’t doused in plastic cheese?
Water that doesn’t taste like chlorine?

Your employees are all such great characters, how about letting them serve something edible?

Yours respectfully,
The Dashing Suns.